Neat Freaks and Crab Cakes


Neat people freak me out a bit. I am talking about the people who, I swear, walk around with a magnify glass to make sure everything is dust-free and contaminant free.  Have you ever noticed how these people tend to be the edgy people you work with or live with that will spaz out when the dishwasher isn’t loaded to perfection? Okay I get it…there is s system…TO YOUR MADNESS!!

Or they go off the rails when garbage doesn’t get out on garbage day, like that was the ONLY day it was ever going to be picked up and now you have ruined Christmas? How did Christmas get involved? Yeah, that is what I asked too!

I prefer to have one really messy drawer in my house to maintain my level of (in)sanity! Usually it is in the bathroom….I don’t really know why the bathroom other than the bottles for everything are in so many shapes and sizes that I have literally made myself crazy trying to organize them by size and have since given up.  I open that drawer and give a big sigh of relief for something that I see as art.

Art nowadays sometimes looks like a messy drawer….have you noticed? I love it when I go to someone’s house who I can tell is a neat freak and then upon their wall is a messy drawer framed for everyone to see. That is someone who wants to believe they are an artist and can handle mess but they really can’t because they had to make sure the mess was perfectly surrounded by a frame to contain it from spreading throughout the house.  When they are not looking, I think it would be funny to put some garbage or misaligned couch pillows below the picture and when they come back in the room gasp and scream “IT’S AN OUTBREAK!!!”

You should probably have your CPR training though if you do this. Chances are Mr. or Miss. (or maybe they are married to each other…so that would be Mrs. or Dr. or Dr. Mrs….or Sir…lets not forget Sir…) Neat Freak may go into cardiac arrest OR may trip over the mess you made while running to strangle you for this obscene gesture and then you perform resuscitation procedures on them until the ambulance arrives.  But then you realize they didn’t need to be resuscitated and now the vibe in the room is all weird….While you are explaining to them that their neat freak obsessions have caused all of this….if you get too close…they seriously may hurt you…

OR if you want them to notice the “outbreak” in their house later on….go into their bathroom and mess up a drawer so that when they are getting ready for bed they discover it and then when they call you to freak out…(this is a better option if you don’t know CPR) you can deny but secretly giggle as you blame it on whoever else was there (make sure someone else was there though if you do this…otherwise you look dumb)….or you can squeal with delight “Happy Out of the Ordinary Day!”….or make up some holiday as to why it looks like that because people really like holidays and for the most part they may be able to look past what you did. You will know if it worked if they invite you back again but if they don’t you may have lost a Neat Freak friend….it’s kind of tragic…

Maybe you shouldn’t do this to them. If you love your friends and family and want to be at the next dinner party because they make fabulous crab cakes, just play this one out in your head.



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