Lessons I Have Learned….

I have learned quite a few valuable lessons along my 26 years on this planet….who am I kidding…28 I mean….get off my back already….ok….30….alright alright….38 but I feel like I am 21! In math that really counts for something!  It is but a number!

The valuable lessons I have learned:

1)      When you are a little girl, EVEN IF all your friends are boys….it does not make you a boy and you still need to wear your shirt like a girl in the summer….that was a tramatizing moment…more for my friends mom than me! Who knew at 5 you had to wear a shirt if you were a girl….I didn’t!

2)      Do not eat yellow snow, no matter how tempting it may look….which leads me to my next point…DO NOT under any circumstances stick your tongue to a pole in the middle of winter….it may sound obvious but if you’re a betting person like me…you may take this bet….it sucks…it really does!

3)      When a bully picks on you, stand up for yourself, you are worth it! (That happened in Grade 5 and anytime I have seen her since she STILL gives me the finger….I wave and blow her a kiss!)

4)      Be yourself, no matter how crazy you may seem to others…the people that stay in your life for you being you are the ones you will have around you for a lifetime.

5)      It is scarier to stay in a situation that is clearly not working then to jump out and start over.

6)      Due to the internet, people will cyber stalk you and want you to deposit 5 million dollars for them because they are in Nigeria and can’t because it was their Uncle’s money and they are fleeing something….don’t fall for it!

7)      If you laugh really really hard….you will pee your pants…

8)      You should believe in Santa for as LONG AS POSSIBLE! (To this day, I still have letters I wrote to the chubby man! HOWEVER, a little embarrassing in Grade 7 still trying to convince your friends to write to him…)

9)      Vacationing is not an option….it is a necessity! Getting Cuba’d is not! (for a later entry to discover!)

10)   You can make mistakes and still survive! I have this one down to a science! All good sir….nothing to see here!

11)   If where you live does not feel like home…move! Discovering new cities is an adventure! You will find lots of quirky things and people to laugh at…I mean with….

I have no more advice.  This is it. Life is complete. You may go now and prosper! And change your underwear if need be….

Wisdom is just oozing out of me here….the pondering continued for many hours until a naked man came streaking across the dessert…..I said “Sir! No More!” and he cupped his goodies and left with head hanging….you never know what you may find in the dessert…..