So Many Questions Such Little Time….

I never stop thinking….I guess if I did I would no longer be alive so this is probably good news….the issue is that I don’t sleep because of it and I rarely am able to relax…I mean…seriously…how do people do yoga?  I think I should go to one of those retreats where you can’t talk for 10 days and you meditate….the only thing is that I may actually go nuts listening to the voice inside my head….it is super loud and FULL of questions….

Some people say they love getting massages because it’s so relaxing….I struggle….all I can think is “hmmm….could she press harder, or no wait….that doesn’t feel good…did she just pull my toe? Why?….I wonder what groceries I should pick up after this? I am hungry! How weird would that be if someone walked in right now? This lotion she is using better be paraben-free…..what are parabens anyway? They sound like placebo’s and if that was the case then they are really just made up and I am having a placebo based massage right now….what does that even mean?”

Yes, relaxing is really NOT the word I use for massages….and yoga….really….I cannot calm down long enough to meditate…..I have so many questions when I meditate when I have tried yoga… like “why is the guy next to me breathing so hard? If I open my eyes right now will he be staring at me? That is creepy….How do you seriously bend like that? I think I just pulled my groin….yep…sure did…now I need a massage….DANG IT!!”

The cycle never stops….

Sleeping at night is no different….when I sleep I wonder what is going on outside the house….”is the bar-b-q safe out there? Are the neighbors up? Why did an ambulance just go by? Who died? Was that a clown car? I swear I heard a pack of hyenas run by!! Who is that snoring? Did somebody just come in the door? Why did the alarm not go off?”

I laugh by myself sometimes because I can hear myself thinking and I can’t shut it off…..some of what I ponder about is pretty hilarious…. to me anyway….like who invented nylons? Did the bra come to be because some lady got a black eye running one day?  Does my dog know English or is it like dog English and if it is dog English, what does that really sound like to him? AND is the English bull dog smarter than the rest at knowing english?”

So many questions, such little time….to take a nap….I’m tired….no I am not….no time for that….

This is my creepy face I like to make in public….gets us our own table in a quiet corner for sure….

Jobs…Jobs…More Jobs….

You know what is awesome?  Being a jack of all trades! I used to want to hide the fact that I have had A LOT of “jobs”….like was I ever going to find what I was “good” at?

I have done all sorts of crazy things for money….not THAT crazy….I have never stripped for money (as you have read before my days as a pole dancer were short-lived), I have never been a scientist, I have never stuffed dead animals for a living (I prefer my animals alive and full of life thank you!)

I have, however, drove a combine, served tables, worked in doctor’s offices, been in network marketing, ran gyms, worked as a massage person in a bar….yes, I really did that..AND you don’t need any schooling for this career…I know you are shocked!…maybe we will just stop here and I will let you in on this one….

Kimmie and I wanted to make some extra money(Kimmie was and still is one of the most interesting people I have ever met…EVERYBODY should have a Kimmie in their life! You will have life experiences and find out a lot about yourself! LOL) and she knew a guy who knew a guy who could get us a job working in a bar giving massages to people while they were partying at the bar. No funny business here…we had body guards and were in an area of the bar visible to everyone so there was nothing weird about it…except for the fact that we were dressed all in white under black lights in an area with white fur carpets and balloons all over the place in a gated area where people would come over during their night of partying and we would massage their shoulders.  I was shocked to learn that professional massage therapists offices were not set up like this!

I can’t even believe I am writing this story….so crazy….of a job….This bar was trying to create a cool and funky atmosphere for their clientele….the only thing is if you are drinking and then want a massage, you may pass out….nobody passed out on us but I gotta admit it was a weird job with weird customers! We only ended up doing it once. I realized that I don’t really like massaging strangers in public…um….actually I just don’t like massaging strangers period! Good lesson to learn!

I worked in a daycare for about a day once….when the kids took nap time…I did too…apparently that is NOT how nap time is supposed to go.  Kudos to those who work in daycare or are teachers! Seriously, the kids naptime I think should really be for YOU!

I have worked in restaurants where the clientele are anywhere from redneck as they can get, to downtown Toronto stock market, to poking people in the eyes, to measuring people for glasses, to educating them on chiropractic to selling supplements.  I am actually pretty sure I have forgotten some of the odd jobs I have had along the way as well….

I used to make myself wrong for having done a whole bunch of different things and took forever to figure what I love to do which is dancing and writing and laughing…YES! Laughing is a CAREER!…..what I have discovered is, in the event of an emergency or the world being taken over by aliens, I can drive a combine through anywhere to save your life, give you a massage when you are wasted, then book you the needed doctor appointment while watching your children and serving you dinner….and just when you think “what is going on?” I can “professionally” poke you in the eyes causing no damage to you…..see I am pretty useful after all these years….