Dog Care Obsession

I just realized how OBSESSED I am with my dog!

So Fernando Nino’s daughter is coming to watch Watson for 5 days while we are away….this is her first time watching him….(yes! I am fully aware he is a D-O-G!)  I have been worried about all the little details and thinking “does she have enough time to spend with him?”, “Will he be okay?”, etc, etc, etc.

Today I made her a one page Word document about how to take care of him….yes…this got a little out of hand but let me share the points with you……I think you will enjoy….AND find them very valid! (Please agree….please please agree…)

What You Need To Know for Watson (my dog under an A.K.A to protect his identity):

1. Feed him 1 cup of dry food 3 times a day (fresh water too in the morning)
2. Food is in garage in grey bin
3. No food except for his dry food and his homemade treats in cupboard/fridge…we all know what happens otherwise.  BIG vet bills!
4. I take him around the block at least once a day, otherwise just out back door works. (if weather is yucky, he doesn’t want to go anyway so you may need to make him at least go out backdoor)
5. He usually goes out minimum 3-5 times a day (only really 1-2 times of a longer walk like around the block or more)
6. He has not had that crazy allergy reaction since last summer when he ended up all bumpy and itchy…but if it happened…benedryl is in the cupboard by the fridge. One pill every 8 hours in a spoon of peanut butter.
7. Doesn’t have to be in kennel when you go, likes car rides and walks on the beach….
8. Sleeps in kennel, on couch, or in your bed at night! Lol….If on your bed, I recommend putting down a bed sheet/towel or blanket for him to specifically lay on so to reduce hairs on your bed.
9. As you know, he is easy-going and cuddly and loves having people around him a lot. He will steal your stuff so if something is missing….check his kennel…it’s his way of telling you he loves you…
10. Now you are probably reading this and laughing at me…. I am laughing at me too at this point….I am so totally obsessed with him! HAHAHAH
11. You are probably super thankful that your father and I never had babies…lol…if this is just for the dog…DEAR LORD!

EMERGENCY CONTACTS NUMBERS:

She has 4 people to contact in the event of an emergency….the vet…two of his dogwalkers and my friend Cheryl…Cheryl is just fun to chat with so thought she might want to call!

I hope they will be okay……  😉 I hope I will be okay…….HAHAHA

He protects me….when I pass out from worrying….and wine….

Mother’s Day Struggle

This is a very vulnerable topic for me….I hope if someone’s reads this and can identify with it, that it makes them know they are not alone either.

For many years I have known that I am not physically able to have children.  For the most part I have come to terms with it…..and then Mother’s Day comes along and for some reason, this day gets me every time.

I feel a deep sense of being alone.

I know I am surrounded by amazing people who love me and the overwhelming sense of being alone still lives with me on this day.  The face that resembles mine that I will never meet, the lessons to teach them that I will never do, the cheering them on in sports, music or taking on something new that I will never get to see…..eats me up for about 24 hours and then the world is back to the way it was and I am totally okay with it all again.

See, I think as a woman, whether you can’t have children or choose not to, I still believe there is a small piece of every woman who wants to meet that mini version of them self….the one you share your DNA with, the one you gift to the world.

At this point in my life the answer is, that “mini me” I will never meet.  My opportunity in this life is to inspire as many of YOUR “mini YOU’s” as I can.  I love children.  They make me laugh, make me cry tears of joy, I learn from them and they provide me with the ability to see life through innocent  eyes.  Being I have not had a child of my own physically, I can’t imagine what that connection feels like. The closest that I can think of to it is with my dog.  I mean, he has become my baby.  If anyone were to try to hurt him, I would most certainly step in the way….the love I have for him fills me.  AND frankly….the pros are:

1. He doesn’t talk back
2. I can put him in his kennel and go out
3. He never complains about having the same thing for dinner everyday
4. Loves me even when he is in trouble and I send him to the corner

These are BIG pro’s my friends tell me! Lol!

I am very lucky in my life and that I am completely aware of, and like any human being, I have things that surprise me like how sad I become once a year all because of a Sunday in May.  It is good to acknowledge the things that come up for you.  It’s just not healthy to live in them like a prison.  So for today, I have my 24 hours of contemplation and wonderment of what the world would have been like with one more Crazy Canadian Girl/Boy Mini Me in the world..it makes me smile….and be a little sad for the moment.  At the end of all these thoughts though, I really get that they are just thoughts….and I can have the whole experience of not being able to have children be a gift as well so that I can give my energy to ALL children and their families!

In reflection of it all, today I truly celebrated my mom and my friends that are moms and wish for you all to not take one second for granted that you gave the gift of life to this planet.  Children are absolute miracles and you as a Mother, are amazing!

 

This is MY mom….I am her “Mini Me” heheheh…

Popping The Question With Silly Putty!

There really is no instruction manual for falling in love….although in society we tend to think it should look a certain way….the great news is I found someone who is just as NON-traditional as I am so it all works.  Fernando (and now you may know his real identity…NINO) has been my partner in life for the last 7 years.  For nearly 6 of those years we have been happily living together and had really no thoughts of getting married as we have both done that before.

This past weekend I was in a course and realized how much I truly love Nino and how I had stopped creating our future and had just kind of left it as “this is good” kind of mentality rather than “THIS IS AWESOME AND LET’S CREATE!!!” which is who I really know myself to be.  On my way home from California I began to write and cry….and write and cry…..(and frankly blew snot bubbles….poor person beside me) as I got so in touch with an overwhelming sense of passion and love for what is possible with my relationship with Nino.

I wrote and wrote and wrote and before I knew it the last sentence to my letter to Nino was…”will you marry me?”

When I started writing I had no idea where it was headed….when I finished writing, I was so clear that was what I wanted and I was determined to ask him!  Nino’s birthday was yesterday and I knew I was taking him for dinner….(I now know how nervous men must be to have to “pop” the question…I was shaking with excitement, sweating with “what if he says no?”, pacing…well I drank too much coffee too so men, I highly advise steering clear of coffee when you go to do this…) and his youngest daughter was home and I knew I wanted to ask her and her sister for their alignment before I asked him.

When Nino wasn’t around I asked his youngest and she was so excited and a yes.  Then I text his oldest who was still in school and she was a “OMG! YES!” so I knew I was going for it!

By the time we got to the restaurant I thought I was gonna pass out….we ordered saki….I downed the first one pretty fast!  We ordered the food and then it was time….

Tammy: Nino, move over so I can sit by you…

Nino: I will come sit by you….

(okay…no down on one knee then but that’s okay…would have been hard to maneuver in these boots anyway!)

Tammy: I have something I want to read to you and I am probably gonna cry a lot so be prepared….

Nino: Okay

Tammy: <read a very private letter full of love> The possibility I am inventing for our life is being lifetime playmates and best friends.  You can count on me to listen when you speak, love endlessly and always work everything out through communication and what I love about you is you are my best friend, lover, you make me laugh, you make me smile when I am down, you are always up for creating things and most importantly you ALWAYS let me be me! I want to party and celebrate life with you and while I have no ring, I have this Silly Putty ring for you (open the silly putty and stretch it back into shape and put it on his finger) WILL YOU MARRY ME?

Nino: <looking at the silly putty ring rather surprised> wait! Did you just ask me to marry you??

<INSERT SUSHI ARRIVING AND SUSHI MAN EXPLAINING WHAT HE BROUGHT…..yep! Poor timing sushi man….but now you are a part of this memory!….now we are nodding and thanking him….k go away now sushi man>

Tammy: YES! I asked you will you marry me?

Nino: YES I WILL!!! OMG!! We are getting married!! WAIT! I should be asking you?!!

<insert lots of love and tears here…and then laughter at the AWESOME silly putty ring and how this all went down!>

The night was awesome (called parents, relatives) and full of laughter and play and Nino and I laughing that I beat him to it to ask and now it will forever go down in our relationship history as I proposed to him not the other way around!  If you know us, you know that is pretty normal! Nothing ever goes the way of “traditional” so it is absolutely perfect!

The wedding may be filled with superhero capes, dance parties, whatever and whenever it may be….you know it will be memorable….that’s just how we roll!

Ask for what you want and the Universe delivers!

That is NOT a growth on Nino’s hand…..Look at that BEAUTIFUL silly putty ring!!

I made it myself! He REALLY loves me!

What Is Being In Love?

For the longest time I never really understood the term “being IN love”….I dated a lot and liked a lot of the men I dated. I “thought” I loved them and I think in the world of just loving humanity, I truly loved them….just not in the way that being “in” love is really like.

Fernando was and still is a discovery in my life.  I have found that when you are “in” love you can say ANYTHING to the other person and there is not a lot of upset.  I never have to watch what I am about to say….like be concerned I will offend….(I am a little cheeky if you haven’t noticed so this has always been a concern for me…I know…you are shocked!)

All these crazy silly thoughts I have..…I have more than likely had a conversation with him about it….like now he really ponders about cave women and menstrual cycles, rodeo clowns, flying and not in a plane, he has grown to love gumby and pokey….you name it, he is in!

Which is when I realized what being “in” love really is for me…It is those moments I have with another human that they do not try to change me, they find my quirky ways cute and never ask me to be any other way, when he laughs with me until we both pee our pants (don’t tell him I told you that…), when he holds me when I cry and even if I don’t know why I am crying he just holds me, no questions asked…he sits with me and we talk until we both fall asleep, when we get annoyed with one another we actually say “You are annoying me right now…could you please stop talking….” Or like children on a playground in the middle of an argument we will declare to the other that we no longer want to play in the sand box right now and we are going to take our pail and shovel and leave…..(that may sound nuts to you but it makes us laugh and we realize how foolish our little argument is and then we kiss and make up! It really can be that easy!)

I found love in the most unexpected way and maybe that is one of the reasons why I treasure it so much….finding that person that you can laugh with, sing at the top of your lungs with, be totally uninhibited with, everything…..

I see all my past relationships as amazing and am happy to have had each one of them. (whether you still think I am a bonehead or not for leaving…you know who you are! ;)) They have helped me to discover how amazing it is to discover what being “in”love is.  The coolest part is I am still in contact with many of my past relationships, as is Fernando, and we are happy to see so many of them that have discovered what being “in” love is for them!

Relationships end but it doesn’t mean that you don’t still care about the person. There is something that had you be with them in the first place….they are not “bad”, they may just not have been Mr. or Miss Right for you!

Isn’t being human AWESOME?!

My wish for the world is more people who have children together would get this concept….It would make everyone’s life just a little simpler if you asked me! Yeah….I am saying you should ask me!!

Thanks for asking!

This is Fernando and I when we are reserved….no personalities I am telling you!

It’s About Loving and Caring For One Another…

Someday’s there just isn’t all that much that I can see the humor in.  Sometimes there is sadness and yet an appreciation for life.  This entry is not one that you will laugh at but it is an experience and one that has taught me a lot along the way….

Since Grade 9, (many many many moons ago) myself and many of my close friends and family have experienced a lot of untimely death’s.  I am not talking about 1 or 2 people you may know that die from a disease but a high number of people who have passed that are my own age either by disease, accidents or by suicide. (a high number of suicides..)  I honestly have stopped counting.  I used to count and keep track and go back over the “why’s and how come them?” thoughts and “how could we have saved them? And why didn’t we know?”

This over thinking has never really provided me with much other than the thought to live my life and to live it like every day could be my last.

A no hold’s barred approach…AND if I personally ever get down, to get in communication with people who can support me in getting back on track.  I wish that everyone really knew that there is nothing bad enough to ever take your life over.  We were all “given” life.  Life IS worth living and when you take it, it not only ends your own permanently, it also cuts a little piece out of the people who loved you lives as well.

With losing people to disease, it is sad, however, I hope that they gave it all they had while they were here! You know, sometimes people who pass on at a young age….they may not have had an opportunity to live to be old but what they did in the time they were here was awesome and we can treasure that.

Because of this, everyday for me is like a new beginning….could be why so many crazy things happen….or why I am constantly thinking too much…I really think a lot…except for when I am about to speak sometimes….sometimes I just un lodge my foot from my mouth and go for it and then wish the foot was still in there…but hey…that IS a part of life too. To make mistakes and live with NO regrets.

In the month of love, tell someone how much you care….even tell them as just being human being to human being….you don’t need to know someone to let them know they are important. You never know what life you may touch or even save by just a smile…a hello…a kind word.

Reach out to others and feel alive….because YOU ARE!